Blessings Outside My Comfort Zone
Jane running in Big Sur, CA on her 50th birthday.
Bugs Bunny was unflinching in his determination to beat Cecil Turtle.
In “The Tortoise and the Hare,” Cecil whimsically challenged Bugs: “Uhhhh, wanna race?” Bugs eagerly jumped at the chance but little did he know the sneaky tortoise had a jet propulsion engine under his shell. His aggravation increased as the tortoise continually got the better of him from start to finish. Not surprisingly, the overconfident Bugs lost whereas the nonchalant Cecil won with ease.
It’s not so easy to run in a race, let alone win it. In the Spring, I found myself inside a half-marathon race corral, alongside my husband and hundreds of others. That particular morning, I fancied myself more of a Bugs Bunny and less of a Cecil Turtle. I had nothing up my sleeve, no rocket boosters or roller blades. Like Bugs, adrenaline and excitement kicked in as I awaited the start, still minutes away. With restless feet and thoughts of keeping my goal pace, I was determined not to start off too fast. I found that I was surprisingly happy to be there. I had trained for this and, with a newfound confidence, I believed I could finish the race, and finish strong.
For most of my life, I never understood people who chose to run. Running as a child usually involved some type of punishment in P.E. class. Inevitably, I could never hide the redness in my face that resulted from cardio exercise. Physical exertion normally caused me embarrassment, not to mention how uncomfortable I felt in my own body whenever I exercised. I felt trapped in the body God gave me and my fear of both exposure and failure held me back. I limited my physical activity so I could hide my vulnerability and remain within my comfort zone.
Almost a decade ago, two dear friends of mine encouraged me to begin running. I eventually ran in my first 5K with them, then dabbled in running for the next few years. As I approached my 50th birthday, I decided that I wanted to run more and take care of my physical self just as I tried to take care of my mental and spiritual selves. I began to take it a little more seriously. I stopped scoffing at anyone who mentioned the importance of exercise. I realized that, in order to be my best self, I couldn’t ignore my body.
Training for my first half-marathon, at the age of 50, allowed me to find “the blessing outside of [my] comfort zone.” I first heard this phrase in an interview, “Running as a Spiritual Practice.”* Interviewed after running her first marathon, Ashley Hicks shared this phrase upon hearing it from a young man selling her running shoes. Her self-doubt lessened considerably as she considered its meaning. She realized that, by pushing herself physically and mentally during the marathon, she would benefit in surprising ways. Some of these ways would extend beyond completing the race itself, such as increased confidence in what her body could do and what she could accomplish in her daily life.
Albert Einstein once said, “A ship is always safe at the shore, but that’s not what it was built for.” I’ve decided that it’s time for me to sail. Running is one of the ways in which I am reaching beyond my comfort zone. In addition, its impact is proving to bless other areas of my life.
There are seven key ‘blessings outside of my comfort zone’ that I have derived from running:
Discipline
Worthiness
Community
Presence
Endurance
Wholeness
Prayer.
1. Discipline: Staying in My Own Lane
I’ve never been very disciplined on a consistent basis before now. Studying, exercise, practicing clarinet, cleaning, writing, etc. never seemed worth my time or effort. With running, though, I’ve learned that I am worth the effort. If I stick to a training schedule, for example, then my body can become stronger over time. I will eventually reach the goal of running a 5K, 10K, or half-marathon because I have proved to myself that I can do it. I’ve learned that I can eventually reach my goal one day at a time.
The discipline of running teaches me to stay in my own lane in my spiritual life as well. In other words, running helps me to pay attention to what I am responsible for. In the Gospel of John (21:18-22), Peter listens to Jesus explaining the kind of death he will die as his follower. Peter, looking at the Beloved Disciple, asks Jesus, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answers Peter directly, “What concern is that of yours? Follow me!” This response has helped me to realize that, by getting distracted by what others are doing (called to do), I can lose sight of my own mission.
Brené Brown, author, researcher, and avid swimmer, keeps a picture of a swimming lane in her study as a reminder to limit comparing herself to others. By staying in her own lane, Brené is able to focus on her priorities and values while staying connected with others. I find this image helpful as I navigate my own life.
2. Worthiness: Born This Way
“I’m not telling you it’s going to be easy…I’m telling you it’s going to be worth it.” (Art Williams)
I don’t think I ever believed, until recently, that I am worth my time, my effort, my failures and successes as I work toward a goal. I’ve always perceived others as more worthy or capable than me. Growing up, I was taught it was selfish and unloving to think of myself before others. In reality, we all share in the same God-given worthiness. It’s not that I have more worthiness than others, but the same. Jesus taught us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. It is the great equalizer and we all share in it.
Each time I step onto a trail, road or path, my purpose is simply to run and finish. On my running song playlist, I included the spirited song, “Worth It,” to remind myself that I am worth all this effort. I rise earlier in the morning so I can exercise and grow stronger, feel better mentally, and be more mindful of what’s most important in my life. I am worthy because God created me. Only God knows what is in store and I want to be ready for that which I am called.
3. Community: Sharing the Road
When I start a run, I feel like I exist in the “in-between time.” In the Christian tradition, it’s the time from Jesus’ ascension in the first century until Jesus’ second coming, for which we wait with hope. A run has a clear beginning and end. During the run, between the now and the not yet, so much can happen. Soreness can overtake my legs, knees, hips. A snake can cross my path. Feelings of doubt can creep in. Yet the challenge always remains to stay in the moment and keep moving forward.
Whether I’m running with my husband, Doug, friends, or hundreds of strangers at a race, I treasure the moments of conversation, funny stories, periods of silence, all the while sharing the road, complaining about the hills and conquering the hills together. Sharing the pain can make it tolerable. Somehow I’m less tempted to quit if I am with another person running the same path. Sharing the in-between time of this life with others fulfills the experience. We are not meant to go it alone.
4. Presence: Now. Here. This.
“Go fast enough to get there, but slow enough to see.” (Jimmy Buffett)
As the race horn sounds, feelings of immediacy and earnestness take over. At the start of a race, emerging from a corral, I can get frustrated having to weave my way around other runners so I can find some space in order to maintain my pace. Trusting my training, I place myself in the moment, in the here and now.
Sometimes on a run, especially when just starting out, my mind is all over the place and I resist the moment. Then, I want to get the run over with and checked off my list for the day. Inevitably, though, I begin to get into a rhythm, listening to the birds chirping and taking in the beauty all around me. In the present moment of my run, I can simply concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other, relaxing my shoulders, looking straight ahead with arms in motion. I steady my breathing and count as I inhale and exhale. In the here and now, I can be one with the created world, one with the Creator.
5. Endurance: Keep Moving Forward
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith…” (Hebrews 12:1)
It was so easy to give up when I didn’t like to run. Something starting to hurt? Time to walk. Legs feeling heavy? Walk. Calves slightly sore? Better not push it.
Then I discovered that if I gave it some time, I could make it a full mile. If I just kept going, I could increase my distance to two miles. If I allowed myself to feel some soreness, I could still run and allow my muscles to become stronger. There is pain as my body learns new habits. I use muscles I’ve hardly used before. I will be sore and to a certain degree that’s okay. I have gradually realized the incredible body God gifted me with, able to endure so much more than I imagined.
Martin Luther King, Jr. is credited as saying, “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
It was always easier to give up on myself, for most of my life. If I didn’t really try then I wouldn’t fail too badly. Now, not only do I believe I can train my body to endure longer runs or a faster pace, I’ve noticed its effect on other areas of my life. I’ve learned to take each day one step at a time. When conversations are difficult or tense, sometimes it just takes a willingness to listen and patience. Eventually, either a solution comes to light or the ability to let go of the situation arises. I can then move forward while continuing to be open to growth.
6. Wholeness: Mind, Body and Spirit
I always struggled with perfectionism as a child and throughout most of my adult life. If I couldn’t do something well, exceptionally in fact, it wasn’t worth my full effort. Who wants to fail? Who wants to be discovered for her weaknesses? I guarded that part of myself fiercely. Math and reading were easy for me in grade school so I gave it my full effort. Doing a pull-up in P.E. class wasn’t easy, so I barely tried. It didn’t count as a failure in my mind because I hadn’t really put any effort into it.
Then I realized, over time, that it wasn’t about being perfect. For the first time in my life, I’ve been able to let go of the need to do something perfectly. All I’ve needed is to continue to take steps forward. Over time, I’ve come to believe that I can train my body to do more and more, that I can feel strong physically and that I can run for my mental, physical and spiritual health. I’ll never be the fastest runner, but I’m so much faster than I ever thought possible. I’ve been able to let go of my hesitancies, to run as fast as I can as I approach the finish line. It’s an exhilaration I’ve never known before.
7. Prayer: Moving Meditation
Christina Torres, an avid runner who was interviewed for On Being, called running a “moving meditation.” Running can be prayerful. The key here is the movement. It’s important for me to move forward, not to get stuck in my thoughts or to get overwhelmed by events or realities in my life. I love to research and learn about something so I feel prepared to try it for the first time, but it can sometimes bog me down. At those times, I find it difficult to get moving again. Running, in its steady, paced, rhythmic movement, helps me to get unstuck, to receive the world in the present moment, to meditate on God’s creation, receiving it as a gift.
Receiving the present moment as a gift fills me with gratitude. I’m thankful for the gift of running, moving, time for myself to connect with myself and others. I’m also thankful for the people in my life who love and support me, even when I’m not feeling worthy or I don’t think I can put another foot forward.
“And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within.” Eric Liddell says this line in the movie, “Chariots of Fire.” I understand these words more now that I’ve approached and crossed the finish line for my first half-marathon. It’s difficult to describe the elation that rose within me as I gave it all I had, like Cecil Turtle with a booster rocket, increasing my speed in the final quarter mile of the race. Seeing the finish line and knowing that I would make it inspired me and overwhelmed me at the same time. It was definitely a blessing outside my comfort zone. All I could think was, “Thank you. Thank you, God, for the ability to finish, and finish strong.”
Blog Note:
*On Being with Krista Tippett Podcast, “Running as Spiritual Practice,” with Billy Mills, Christina Torres, Ashley Hicks, et al; original air date: August 18, 2016. Listen to the full interview:
Song for Contemplation: “Sweet Surrender” written by John Denver, Lee Holdridge and performed by John Denver
Song for Fun: “Worth It” (featuring Kid Ink) written by Mikkel S. Eriksen, Ori Kaplan, Priscilla Rene, Tor Erik Hermansen and performed by Fifth Harmony
