Both/And: Expanding My Vision, a Space to Learn
Photo by Wes Jones. Unique perspective looking up at a Ukraine Support Rally in Pittsburgh 2/27/22.
In part 1 of my series: Turning 50, Spiritually Speaking, I explore a both/and worldview: finding the space needed for other perspectives and, ultimately, for a wider vision that opens our eyes to new possibilities. It is the first of five lessons I learned in my front yard (blog 16).
If a group of people looks at any object from different vantage points, each person would most likely describe it in a unique way. It remains the same object, but its description depends on what the viewer sees. Every description of this object is both correct and different at the same time. Wes Jones,* my friend, a pastor and professional photographer, shared his experience with such an object. Many years ago, in a photography class as an undergrad, Wes was instructed to take just one Polaroid shot of a specific bench outside his class building. In turn, each student walked outside and took a single picture of the same bench. Laid out side by side, each Polaroid portrayed a distinct viewpoint and offered its own spin on the exact same object. Truly, there was no wrong or incorrect picture on the table. Today, Wes still remembers and considers this life lesson when conversing with people and listening to various points of view.
“Don’t forget – no one else sees the world the way you do, so no one else can tell the stories that you have to tell.” – Charles de Lint, Canadian writer
Recently, my husband, two young adult children and I traveled out to California from the Midwest to visit with my dad. I hoped the kids could spend some time with their grandfather and get a sense of the place I grew up now that they are older. When we arrived, we knocked at the front door and, in an instant, we were looking for lost keys amongst the piles and piles of disordered mail, recycling, documents and trash. I quickly glanced around and ascertained by dad’s living conditions that his ability to live on his own wouldn’t last much longer. His untouched, brand new walker sat in the kitchen, a shelf for his glasses. His clothing was soiled and unkempt. His confusion, struggle with remembering, and more frequent falls are concerning. Even with caregivers helping him during the week, my dad barely managed on his own. In the days that followed, I wondered at how anyone could live in that environment.
“I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve survived this long” is Dad’s mantra. Clearly not able to live safely on his own, my father insists on living alone in his home. Unable to accept the reality of his weakening body and mind, he is not willing to make any changes, such as moving to a smaller, more manageable place.
As I think about caring for my dad, I realize my voice is one of many. My nine siblings and I, all intelligent, loving and passionate people desire to do the right thing, namely, how best to love and care for him. In the past, we struggled to come to a consensus at times, and now we find ourselves approaching a crossroads because of my dad’s marked decline. Ten brothers and sisters all with differing perspectives and various suggestions on the best path forward. I have to admit that listening to the differing views of my siblings concerning my dad is helpful at times and fraught with emotion and frustration at others.
Perspective. What a tremendous word. I have a deep appreciation for the perspectives of others, especially if it helps me to expand my own vision and see more clearly. At the same time, I want to share my perspective – my observations, etc. How can all of us benefit from a both/and viewpoint? How can my siblings? How can this help with my dad?
Photography and Perspective
What is the best way to integrate several different perspectives? Overall, my friend Wes maintains that so much of photography and life, in general, includes how we see things. Jesus often referenced how we see as well as our inability to see. On the road to Jericho, Jesus asks a blind man, “What do you want me to do for you?” He replied, “Lord, please let me see.” Jesus immediately grants him sight and sends him on his way (Luke 18:35-43). It is an encounter with Jesus that restores a person to wholeness and healing. One way that Jesus encounters a person is through you and me and the unique perspectives we offer.
Considering a camera used as a tool to approach the same object, as Wes did with the bench, we can learn to approach objects or topics even without a camera in hand. “The camera is an instrument that teaches people how to see without a camera,” according to Dorothea Lange.
In the following paragraphs, I describe the lessons that Wes has learned over many years as a photographer.
Stepping back to take in a broader, comprehensive vision leads us closer to wholeness and truth.
Through photography and prayer, my friend Wes learned what it means to step back and take in the whole. During walks or hikes in the local state park, Wes tries to receive what is offered to him on any given day. It’s not about perfection nor is it about control. It is about having a beginner’s mind and receiving the unexpected. Spend time among God’s creation long enough and one’s vision expands, becoming wider and more spacious. As a result of this mindset, Wes is able to capture unique and unexpected images, such as how the light of a sunset hits a line of trees or the side of a mountain.
When I think about God’s vision, an outlook so far beyond our own, I am reminded that I need to take a step back and consider the bigger picture. If I acknowledge that my view is not the only view, then I can make room for other opinions. It’s like holding hands in a circle and everyone takes a step back, expanding the circle and the space available. Is it possible for my siblings and I to all take a step back while remaining connected and supportive of one another? While it would take a lot of effort, I think we can if we are willing to listen and see in a different way.
Changing your intent changes your perspective.
When Wes approaches an occasion such as a wedding, he enters into the spontaneity of the joy-filled celebration and pays attention to the unique glances, the surprised looks and intense connection of the newlyweds. By contrast, Wes attempts to find the glimmers of possibility in portrait sittings, especially attuned to bringing out the spark in a person’s eyes. Rarely using Photoshop, Wes appreciates the beautiful and real images of people sitting for a portrait. At sporting events, especially soccer, Wes enjoys the rawness of the action photos. With disheveled jerseys, hair in the face, intensity in the eyes of the athletes, Wes takes in the scene, ready to capture an amazing moment.
What is my intent when approaching a stubborn opinion or a question that challenges me? I often dig in my heels and expect an impasse. Yet, I can approach it with a beginner’s mind, willing to learn and willing to listen. It doesn’t mean I will be easily swayed, but possibly I can understand there is more than one way to solve a dilemma. When talking with my siblings, I may need to let go of one of my solutions in order to find common ground so we can move forward.
Photography is a contemplative action.
Wes believes that the way we see makes all the difference. Not only do moments of photography help to clear his mind of distractions, but they help him to slow down and be present in the moment. Even without a camera in his hand, Wes lives his life with a desire to be present and to see mystery all around him, in silence and wonder.
If my sight is clouded with frustration, anger or foreboding, I will miss an opportunity to learn something new. Taking the time to consider and pray in silence can help clear my mind and open my heart to an expanded vision of the reality of a situation, such as my dad’s view of things and his needs for a healthy and safe living environment. What I may see as unlivable might just be enough for someone who wants his freedom and independence at all costs. While this is difficult to accept, what I want for my dad may be more than he’s willing to bear.
Both the contrast and interplay of darkness and light teaches deep truths.
A fundamental rule of photography deals with how much darkness or light to let in. Shooting a picture of someone standing in front of the sun, reveals the shadow side of that person. These sometimes become the best pictures. Yet, we don’t want our darkness to show, only our light, our preferred side, no blemishes or wrinkles. As imperfect humans we cannot deny our shadow side. Wes finds that the experience of taking school pictures tells us a lot about how we see and approve of ourselves. Children in grades K-3 often will freely show their real side. They even like to see their image on Wes’ camera. Starting around grade 4, Wes notices that freedom of self-expression beginning to diminish. Then by the 8th grade, students usually hate their picture, focused solely on their flaws.
Am I willing to allow the darkness in, as well as the light, when considering what my siblings and I can do for my dad? We have little or no control of my dad’s thought processes, ability or inability to reason, beliefs and reactions. At 90, there isn’t much we can say to change his mind. Quite possibly, my dad will live in his house until the end. I must try to see the darkness and the light of the situation.
I find that the wisdom learned by Wes over the years helps me when considering my approach to relations with my dad and siblings. Is my intent to control the outcome so it makes sense to me or am I approaching the situation out of love? I’m taking time now to consider this question because, ultimately, I want love to drive my actions and not fear. Am I able to receive my dad’s situation as it is and realize that it is beyond my control? I desire to arrive at a place where I trust in the “slow work of God” (Rainer Marie Rilke) instead of and not in my own insight and intelligence. Is there a way to look at my siblings’ strivings to care for him in a way that makes room for empathy? This one is more difficult for me, I admit. I find myself wanting to convince them of what I think is the right and loving thing to do.
Be curious, not judgmental – Walt Whitman
Curiosity is defined as “interest leading to inquiry.” Have we forgotten how or are we afraid to be curious? To actively seek other perspectives? I recently heard someone say that, today, people are afraid to learn anything new. They avoid learning a different perspective because it means that one’s viewpoint, belief or vision might change. In a society polarized by extreme political or religious views, we see this play out time and again.
One powerful example of polarization in our country and Church involves the June 24, 2022 ruling in the Dobbs vs. Jackson Women’s Health Organization case; the U.S. Supreme Court declared that the U.S. Constitution does not grant the right to an abortion, overturning the landmark Roe vs. Wade decision of January 22, 1973. As a pro-life Catholic, I remain hesitant to celebrate this particular ruling supported by advocates who often forget the meaning of the whole pro-life worldview in our Church. While it does and should include the defense of innocent lives lost to abortion, the work of pro-life groups has just begun. Our country needs programs and funding for equal access to health care for women and children, especially pregnant women and particularly women of color and women in poverty. Affordable, even free, child care should be more than a dream. Mental health and drug addiction services are desperately needed everywhere.
Unfortunately, the extreme views of opposing sides of the abortion debate prevents fruitful dialogue that could help us all to better understand and provide services for women and families faced with the everyday realities of pregnancy, wanted or not. One side fights for the legality of all abortions, no matter what stage of pregnancy. The opposing side claims that no abortion, ever, should be allowed. However, the Pew Research Center** found that the majority of Catholics on both sides of the political divide in the U.S. believe that exceptions ought to be considered (i.e. danger to the mother’s health or in cases of incest or rape). Ignoring these exceptions, on both sides, prevents a wider, wiser vision of the needs of women and girls facing these realities. Yet, instead of seeing a need for a wider view when it comes to the abortion debate, many dig in their heels, stubbornly remaining in and defending their position.
Fr. Michael Casey, a Cistercian monk of Tarrawarra Abbey in Australia, recently wrote, “A partial truth is certainly the truth. The problem is that it is not the whole truth. It is much easier to embrace a part than the whole. When controversy erupts, it is because different people have selected different parts and lost sight of the whole. Conflict can serve a good purpose because it reminds us that the truth is often much larger than our partial view seems to suggest. The resolution of conflict is to be found in a broader vision of the truth.” (Give Us This Day Reflection, pp 137-138, 10/13/22)
Perspective, curiosity and imagination. As a child, I would hang upside down over the side of the couch in my living room and take in the sight of my home while the blood rushed to my head. My imagination led me to far off places where the ceiling became a floor, lighting fixtures became furniture, and doorways became seats and entryways to other worlds. I was in the living room but not in the same room. As I stood in the same living room just weeks ago, it’s difficult to imagine this favorite game of mine from years ago. Now, standing in the same room prompts feelings of disappointment in the state of the physical space where my dad lives. Albert Einstein said, “Imagination is the language of the soul.” In addition to imagination, I often read that both imagination and curiosity become a driving force for learning. I hope we never stop learning and making room for the perspectives of others. Whether we are approaching care for an elderly parent or the multi-faceted issue of abortion access, let’s continue to seek understanding and mirror God’s love.
Let us find space for a “broader vision of the truth.” St. Paul’s words continue to ring true today: “For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face. Now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known” (1 Cor 13:12). With a both/and perspective we can see with clearer vision that accepts and welcomes truth, slower to judge as we recognize that a single viewpoint is one of many.
Call to Action: In the comments below, share one thing from this blog post that spoke to you.
Blog Notes:
*I am happy to give a shout out to Wes Jones. Photography: www.wesjonesphotography.com (southeast Ohio) and you can follow his daily scripture reflections at www.facebook.com/wesjones
**Pew Research poll information can be found here: https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2022/05/23/like-americans-overall-catholics-vary-in-their-abortion-views-with-regular-mass-attenders-most-opposed/
Song for Contemplation: “Quiet” from “Matilda” the Musical. This song is all about a little girl’s unique perspective and her need for quiet to process all of the “noise” around her.
