Considering our Worthiness: Encanto’s Lessons
Last New Year’s Eve, a dear friend shared her very personal and moving spiritual resolution for the coming year. She wants to see herself as worthy of love and respect, to see herself as God sees her, as her husband and children see her. She wants to know her worthiness deep down, to accept herself as God created her. I find that the desire for acceptance of our worthiness is a fundamental need for all of us. In fact, I believe that my friend’s search for unwavering belief in her worthiness echoes in me. In my close relationships, do I feel worthy of the love and friendship shown to me? In the context of my relationship with Jesus, do I accept that I am worthy of Jesus’ love, a love without limits, an unconditional gift that I did not and cannot earn?
Consciously or subconsciously, we often try to earn the love of our families, our friends, our God. In the same way, we try to prove that we belong and should be accepted. If we do certain things in a certain way, then we can earn our place in our families and communities.
Often, our feeling of worthiness is tied into what we are good at. If I can show my accomplishments in certain ways that showcase my gifts, for example, then I may think I’m guaranteed worthiness and love. I could begin to think that there is a clear way to earn it. Yet, when I fail to do something well, I may believe that I missed the mark and I am left feeling that I am falling short of my goal of worthiness.
Encanto: A Discovery of our Worthiness
There are spoilers in the following description!
Disney’s 2021 movie, Encanto, considers the notion of gifts and worthiness as part of a bigger miracle that at first seems dependent on the full and perfect use of a person’s gifts. In this story, a person’s worthiness hinges on discovering and using one’s gift to its fullest potential for the greater good. In the case of Encanto, the family Madrigal awaits the revealing of each child’s gift when he or she reaches a certain age and turns a designated magical doorknob. These gifts include abounding physical strength (Luisa), perfect physical beauty and the abundant blossoming of flowers anywhere she desires (Isabela), and even the ability to see visions of the future (Bruno). However, Mirabel is the only grandchild of matriarch Abuela Alma who did not receive a gift. At least, that is what it seemed. For several years, Mirabel wondered if she was worthy of a gift. She believed she belonged in her family, but did not feel exceptional as she perceived everyone else. Instead, she felt “un-ceptional,” as her father, Agustín, described it.
Mirabel often told herself that she belonged to an amazing family and, even without an exceptional gift, that was enough for her. Yet, two particular relationships held her back from fully receiving her family’s love. She viewed her sister, Isabela, with disdain because of her apparent perfect life. Mirabel even believed that Isabela hated her. Also, and even more importantly, she felt that Abuela Alma did not love her like she did the other grandchildren and would never fully appreciate her. Both relationships prevented all three women from embracing their own and each other’s worthiness. Healing these relationships would prove of the utmost importance to their family and community.
Despite not having an exceptional gift, the family and village as a whole accepted Mirabel and loved her. As she grew older, she felt left out of the mysterious and wonderful world of the family Madrigal, including their indelible generosity to their community. Expressing her great desire to feel a sense of belonging, she sings, “I’m not fine. I can’t move the mountains. I can’t make flowers bloom. I can’t take another night up in my room, waiting on a miracle. I can’t heal what’s broken. Can’t control the morning rain, or a hurricane. Can’t keep down the unspoken invisible pain. Always waiting on a miracle. Always walking alone. Always wanting for more. Like I’m still at that door, longing to shine, like all of you shine. All I need is a change. All I need is a chance…Am I too late for a miracle?”
Then Mirabel notices that the magnificent house, their Casita, begins to show cracks as if it were losing its supernatural character. Its miraculous candle unsteadily begins to flicker. As the cracks spread, the house crumbles little by little. Yet, it seems that only Mirabel can see it. She later discovers that Abuela Alma sees it too, but decides to live in denial by holding on tightly to the idea that if they all would live perfect lives, never resting, never denying their gifts to anyone then the miracle would stay strong. Soon, Mirabel spots the “cracks” exposing vulnerabilities in her siblings. Luisa seems to lose her unbelievable strength as she feels the unceasing pressure of helping lift everyone’s loads. “Who am I if I can’t carry it all?” Luisa wonders. She feels the “crushing weight of expectation.” Then, charged with the mission to reconcile with Isabel, Mirabel goes to her door and expects them to just hug it out. Instead, they fight and Mirabel realizes that Isabela is also living under the “crushing weight of expectation” as she tries to maintain a perfect life. The two sisters have an encounter that changes both of their perspectives. They speak from the heart and succeed in breaking down the wall between them. The perfect sister begins to create cacti instead of brilliant flowers, and discovers that she finds more joy in coloring outside the lines. Isabel realizes that she has only agreed to go through with an expected engagement for the sake of the family’s reputation and Abuela Alma’s wishes, and breaks it off. Both of Mirabel’s sisters awaken to their own needs, desires and worthiness. For a moment, there is a sense of healing in the Casita. (On a side note, Mirabel’s mother calls her Mira, which means “look” in Spanish. Mirabel begins to look and see things more clearly, and she sees each member of her family, one by one, in a new light.)
As she learns more about the family history, Mirabel realizes that her Tío (Uncle) Bruno “lost his way” and disappeared from the family many years before. His gift included visions of the future, yet he was not always able to explain their meanings. As a result, the family rejected him. Not wanting to cause anymore pain, Tío Bruno fled. Mirabel learns that he had a final unknown vision before he left. She knew that the vision had everything to do with the demise of the Casita. Determined to discover this last vision, Mirabel asks, “Wait! How do you find a vision?” Using shards of broken glass, Mirabel pieces together Tío Bruno’s vision. To her shock, she sees her own image and the Casita both in the vision. Is Mirabel discovering her gift after all?
Still in denial, Abuela Alma refuses to face the truth in Bruno’s vision. She cannot see that her unyielding hold on her family’s actions and her outward appearance causes everyone to seek perfection, in order to earn the love and the right to belong to the family Madrigal.
Mirabel finds Tío Bruno and, through her conversation and encounter with him, she becomes determined to demystify his last vision and finally help him return to the family Madrigal. His story also contributes to a desire for worthiness. Bruno did not go far when he fled. In fact, he ended up behind the wall of the kitchen where he could sit and share a meal with his family, hoping to still belong. In secret, he spent his time trying to repair the cracks in the Casita, cracks that he believed he had caused, because he loves his family and wants to help them.
As the story unfolds, we realize that Mirabel does in fact have a gift. The more that she looks and truly sees the truth in everyone’s stories of pain and joy, the more she sees how to piece the family back together, just as she pieced together the shards of glass containing Bruno’s last vision. Mirabel helps Abuela Alma discover that one’s worthiness could never be earned, no matter how powerful their gift. Abuela Alma finally sees that it was never necessary to earn the miracle and that her fear prevented her from moving forward and allowing her family to grow in their own way. After this realization, the Casita and the family Madrigal are rebuilt. Ultimately, worthiness is a given, as was belonging and the love of family. It is a beautiful story of the need to let go of our pasts and accepting all that awaits us with trust and hope.
The Wisdom of Brené Brown
In an animated movie, it is so easy to believe that a happy ending exists. In reality, we sometimes have a hard time trusting and hoping while considering ourselves worthy. God is waiting for us to realize that we are worthy of his love. Below is a guide to help us accept our worthiness. Brené Brown defines ‘worthiness’ as the conviction that you are good enough as you are, flaws and all, and that you deserve to be loved.
From her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown lists the four key principles of worthiness (as referenced by www.shortform.com/blog/define-worthiness/):
Accept yourself unconditionally, today.
Abandon the idea that to be “enough,” you need to fit societal standards or other people’s expectations.
Reject the notion that you need to earn [worthiness] by proving yourself or pleasing others. Who you are, not what you do, is at the center of your worth.
Believe that you deserve love and belonging. People who lack [worthiness] often believe that they don’t deserve to belong or receive love, and when we feel we don’t deserve something, we reject it.
Brené also stated, “For me, believing was seeing. I believed first, and only then I was able to see how we can truly change ourselves, our families, and our communities. We just have to find the courage…” (XV) Once Mirabel looked and then saw the truth of everyone’s individual stories, she discovered their worthiness, as well as accepted her own. When we do the same, and rely on a deep belief in God’s love, our worthiness too becomes clear in our own eyes.
Even Jesus Learned
This topic may cause some readers unease. I admit it’s not commonly taught in homilies, in religion class or in RCIA. Consider, though, that just because something isn’t emphasized or even understood by some leaders in the Church (who may not want to confuse the faithful) doesn’t mean that we’ve finished exploring truth and mystery. We definitely don’t have it covered by a weekly homily or occasional workshop. There is so much yet to learn about our faith!
We have only scratched the surface of the mystery of Jesus’ Incarnation (a fundamental tenet of our faith that teaches that Jesus was fully human on this earth and fully divine). When we consider our own and each other’s worthiness, know that Jesus did the same. Theologians agree that even Jesus, as a fully human person, “had to discover his identity, discern God’s will for him, and pursue his destiny.”* We don’t often think of Jesus having to learn anything. Instead, we tend to assume that, because of his divinity, he had all knowledge of everything that would occur in his human life, including his ministry, rejection, suffering and resurrection from even before he was in Mary’s womb.
Do you remember all the times Jesus went off by himself or with disciples to pray? Have you ever wondered if Jesus really needed to do that, or was he just setting an example? Jesus needed to pray. He often returned from prayer and began another stage of his ministry. Through their intimate relationship, God the Father gradually revealed to Jesus, the Son, his gifts and the road he would take. While today we tend to think of the human Jesus as perfect in every way, in order for us to understand our own journey to acceptance of our own worthiness, it behooves us to remember that Jesus learned his way, too. Though one with the Father and the Holy Spirit, Jesus became human. He was once an infant, had to learn to walk and talk, experienced life as an adolescent boy, learned Hebrew, learned to respect and honor his parents, and learned how to encounter the people around him. Jesus was not born with the full awareness of all that was ahead of him. Though, we believe that Jesus encountered his humanity with a divine spirit that helped him to see the people around him with the wisdom and eyes of God. Fully human, Jesus knew his worthiness and he believed he was worthy of the Father’s love. Don’t forget, though, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus wasn’t performing a drama. He humanly despaired, pleaded and felt fear. Yet, he was not alone and the Holy Spirit emboldened him to face his remaining days on earth, just as the Holy Spirit gives us courage to walk willingly forward despite our own fears. When you hear that Jesus experienced everything we have experienced, believe it. Just like us, Jesus had to discern his life and his place in the world. (Please read the reference from the Catechism of the Catholic Church at the end of the blog**).
Given this insight about Jesus, can we believe and embrace the truth that we can never and do not have to earn our worthiness of God’s love? Yes, we can. We belong to God and therefore we are never alone. There is nothing we can do, earn, say, or sacrifice in order to ensure that God loves and accepts us, because He already loves and accepts us. I have learned this most powerfully through my family today. I am sometimes speechless at the love and acceptance of my husband and children. I occasionally ask myself if I am worthy of this unconditional love, but really there is no need, as I remember that God loves me without end. In addition, I think of the people in my life who I love unconditionally. I think of my children who I love without ceasing. This has allowed me to receive God’s love for me, regardless of my worthiness. And, even if you don’t have children, think of your own relationships and those you enduringly love. Even though our human nature prompts us to doubt, there is no need to question our worthiness when the evidence is all around us.
¡Mirar! (Look!)
At the end of Encanto, Mirabel is given her own doorknob to the newly rebuilt Casita. In its reflection, she was amazed. “What do you see?” asks Abuela Alma. Mirabel replies, “I see me. All of me.” For the first time, Mirabel could see her own worthiness, her own sense of belonging, her own sense of love. It took honest encounters with Isabela, Bruno and Abuela Alma who finally could see Mirabel’s gift that healed family relationships and the Casita, plus the love of her family and community, to help Mirabel accept who she is.
Isn’t that the case for you and me? Don’t we need communities, relationships and encounters with God and others to help us embrace our worthiness? While Brené Brown stops short of discussing our need for acceptance of God’s unconditional love, it is fundamental to living a life worthy of love and belonging because it is the very foundation of who we are.
I hope that my friend discovers the capacity to truly believe in her own worthiness. Through my love and respect for her, I hope to remind her of who she is in God’s eyes. I hope we all welcome our own worthiness by believing in this incredible, indescribable love always present within us.
Call to Action: In what ways can you see worthiness in yourself and others? In the comments below, share why an acceptance of your worthiness is difficult but important.
Song for Contemplation: “You Say” by Lauren Daigle. If you like Adele, you will love Lauren Daigle’s voice. In this song, the desire to see herself as God sees her, to feel her worth as a child of God, is clear.
Blog Notes:
*Pilch, John J. The Cultural World of Jesus book series, Cycles A-C; Liturgical Press, 1995.
** From Gaudium et Spes 22.2, a Vatican II document, quoted in the Catechism of the Catholic Church: “In his soul as in his body, Christ thus expresses humanly the divine ways of the Trinity: ‘The Son of God…worked with human hands; He taught with a human mind. He acted with a human will, and with a human heart He loved.’ (470 CCC p 119)
“The human soul that the Son of God assumed is endowed with a true human knowledge. As such, this knowledge could not in itself be unlimited: it was exercised in the historical conditions of his existence in space and time. This is why the Son of God could, when he became man, ‘increase in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and man,’ (Luke 2:52) and would even have to inquire for himself about what one in the human condition can learn only from experience.” (472, p 119, Catechism of the Catholic Church, second edition. Libreria Editrice Vaticana, published by USCCB, 2019)
