The Heart of Jesus: Magnanimity

Jacob, Sam & Lucky (2010)

magᐧnaᐧnimᐧiᐧty │\mag-nə-’ni-mə-tē\ (noun) Definition: the quality of being 

magnanimous : loftiness of spirit enabling one to bear trouble calmly, to disdain 

meanness and pettiness, and to display a noble generosity

I can still hear the exuberant giggles from Jake & Sammie as they play tug-of-war with our golden retriever, Lucky. Using only a fragment of her strength, Lucky gently tugs and wags her head as she matches the resistance of two toddlers. Patiently and playfully, Lucky plays this game for as long as the kids desire it. I watch with fascination as I realize that Lucky knows instinctively how hard to tug, pulling just enough to make it fun. Just enough. Lucky always won this game, but she was ready to start again every time. She loved the tension in the rope that invited a response from the other end, whether the kids pulled harder or let go. I smile to think of the stark difference in Lucky’s display of strength whenever my husband, Doug (Lucky’s alpha), played this same game with her. She threw her entire dog body into it then, haunches lowered, growls escaping. She clearly had the ability to swing the kids across the room, but she saved it for someone of equal strength. She knew intuitively how hard to pull and when to ease up.

Lucky’s sweet and tender way with the kids, especially when they were young, welcomed her into my heart with full trust. Her maternal instinct taught me patience and I adored her, our first and beloved dog. The words of poet Mary Oliver, in Dog Songs, communicates what Lucky taught me every day. She wrote, “Listen, whatever you see and love–that’s where you are.” Lucky taught me the importance of presence in the here and now, this moment, then the next and the next. And within this presence, Lucky taught me magnanimity.

I never thought I’d call a dog magnanimous (let alone try to say the word magnanimity!). Magnanimity requires a generous spirit even in the midst of adversity and the ability to treat all people, even the undeserving, with kindness, dignity and love. Dug, the friendly dog in the movie Up proclaimed, “My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.” That was Lucky to every person she met. She did not discriminate and she wholly expected love and ear scratches in return. Like Dug, Lucky lived with a great openness of mind and heart, a prerequisite to magnanimity.

What can we learn from a magnanimous dog? How can a person be magnanimous in the same way? Like Lucky, magnanimous people can handle the tension of differing viewpoints with grace, much like the back and forth tugs on a rope. In the book, Let Us Dream, Pope Francis spoke of a “fruitful, creative tension” among people disagreeing on an issue. With a willingness to dialogue, to sometimes argue but to listen well to the other and learn, there can be understanding of the other. And just as in the game of tug-of-war, sometimes it leads to the changing of one’s stance, however slight. 

A dear friend will soon get married to a very loving and gentle young man who, by my observation, cherishes and understands her. They have decided to marry outside any church for reasons of their own, and so the father of the bride may not attend. The father does not believe he can give a public witness to anything but a Catholic celebration of the sacrament of Marriage. There is a tension, a pulling on both ends by father and daughter as they struggle to understand one another. I am disappointed to hear that the father might not be willing to budge. Instead, he is allowing the tension to mount, risking a break in his relationship with his daughter whom he loves. 

Just Enough

At what point do we trust that, in time, our children may find their way back to God? It may happen soon or after years of searching. It seems important for them to determine for themselves what they choose to believe. As parents, we say our piece with sincerity and compassion, and we listen. We pray that our example throughout our childrens’ lives continues to teach them, even when they don’t live with us. We offer our advice and then maybe it’s time to loosen our grip just a bit. Just enough. How else can our adult children have the room to choose for themselves what is good, true and beautiful?

The daughter is heartbroken, still holding out hope that her father will attend the civil ceremony. In a magnanimous way, both the daughter and father have left the door open to one another, continuing to engage in conversations even in the midst of strong disagreement. I hope that stubbornness will not prevail on her special day. How can they both continue to respond in the spirit of magnanimity? The father can attend the wedding, be merciful, communicate his love for his daughter, pray for her and her chosen spouse, and hopefully remain a part of her life. In turn, she could continue to reach out to her father, keep the door open for communication, respond to him with love and patience, and continue to live her life with integrity. 

“Listen, whatever you see and love–that’s where you are.”

If the father attends his daughters’ wedding, even though he doesn’t believe the civil service is adequate and lacks the spiritual blessing of the Church, he would demonstrate that he stands by what he loves and holds most dear. While still holding the tension in the rope, he can give just enough slack to allow for growth and redemption for both himself and his daughter.

In a February 2021 article for the website www.wherepeteris.com, contributing writer Matt Kappadakunnel addressed the connection of Jesus and magnanimity: “Jesus is the model of magnanimity, loving us unconditionally and bearing our sins through his sacrificial offering – an act of mercy – despite our…ingratitude for his love. We can therefore best demonstrate magnanimity when we reflect the Heart of Christ.”* He described how, just as athletes exercise in order to strengthen their heart muscle, we must “exercise mercy [for our spiritual hearts] in order to grow in size and strength.” This led me to think of the “ragdoll effect” that occurs when exceptional athletes, right before a fall or impact, completely relax the muscles in order to roll with the momentum and lessen the chance of injury. I remember witnessing this back in 1990 when Notre Dame football wide receiver Raghib “Rocket” Ismail caught a pass six feet in the air and landed, bouncing on the grass field of Notre Dame Stadium. He stood up without a scratch and continued playing. How many times have we reacted to tension or an impending impact by tensing up, only to experience bruising or breakage that might have been avoided? 

In our relationships, we can relax our grip and allow movement toward a person, choosing mercy and a willingness to hear and to see with the ears and eyes of Christ. In this way, there can be less injury and more of an encounter. The soon-to-be bride’s father might consider that attending her wedding and supporting her and her new husband could pave the way for an encounter of family that he has never known. Otherwise, the injury that could ensue if he does not attend might last a lifetime.

While this particular father tries to do what is right today, let me share when he showed magnanimity when his daughter was very young. After a difficult divorce, the father decided to pick up everything and move across the country to follow his daughter. He was determined to remain a part of her life. Above all, he wanted her to know that he had not abandoned her. He refused to allow distance to separate them. May he do all in his power now to do the same as she weds outside of the church that he loves. 

Jesus & Judas

As Jesus realized the path he would be taking toward his arrest and suffering, he did not take action to remove his betrayer from his close circle of followers. Judas remained among them to the end when Jesus even washed his feet during the Last Supper. In a magnanimous way, Jesus treated Judas just as he treated everyone else, never exposing him, seeking to remove him from the group or to change any outcome. Jesus showed magnanimity by showing generosity of spirit despite the grave suffering that awaited him. He gave Judas every chance to change his mind. 

I miss Lucky every day. After fourteen and a half years of her life, we said goodbye last August. That day, she knew she must give in to the tension and let go. As I trace the mold of her paw in the hardened clay and feel her puppy teeth marks on our kitchen table, I remember her and gratitude rises in my heart. She lived always with mercy in her heart, ready to forgive and start anew. Like Jesus, she loved us unconditionally and magnanimously. The framed picture of Lucky’s tender gaze helps us all to live life in the present moment and live it without reservation or fear. I am thankful for the many ways God gives us to learn of God’s gift of love. We will never fully comprehend or perfectly imitate this example, but we can sure try. 

In our relationships with those we love, those we try to love, and with those we have yet to meet, may we approach each one with the possibility of an encounter that can move us all closer to the heart of Christ. May a dog’s magnanimity teach us that encounter is even possible if we simply loosen our grip just a little and allow the tension to teach us something new. “God’s dream is that you and I and all of us realize that we are family, that we are made for togetherness, for goodness, and for compassion” (Desmond Tutu, South African Anglican Bishop and theologian, d. 2021). God can work anywhere God chooses. Even outside the Church. Even through the life of a dog. Especially through the relationship of a father and daughter. May we all encounter others with the heart of Christ wherever we are.

Blog Notes:

Mary Oliver writes it well. “And it is exceedingly short, his galloping life. Dogs die so soon. I have my stories of that grief, no doubt many of you do also. It is almost a failure of will, a failure of love, to let them grow old–or so it feels. We would do anything to keep them with us, and to keep them young. The one gift we cannot give.” (Dog Songs) 

*To read Matt Kappadakunnel’s article for www.wherepeteris.com in its entirety, click on this link: https://wherepeteris.com/magnanimity-exercising-mercy-to-become-more-like-christ/

Song for Contemplation: “Prayer of St. Francis” sung by Sarah McLachlan (1997)